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2002-12-12 10:55 a.m.
Was it a lie? Was it wrong to say what I did, wrong to offer assurance? Specifically: Was it wrong to tell one of my good friends that her ex, a guy I bet she thought at one point she would marry, will be okay, and it's silly to worry? He found out he has stomach cancer, and for four days I couldn't say anything to her, because I didn't trust myself to say something hopeful. Yes, I live with a girl with cancer, and yes, she seems close to fine. But once upon a time, maybe five years ago, I worked in a retirement home, and there was a lady named Ellen who died of stomach cancer. And I can't forget that. I can't forget how the cancer spread through her entire body, I can't forget how she wasted away, and I can't deny how painful it was. I can't deny that her daughter, a woman who was maybe in her late 50s, came into the kitchen once and just broke down crying at seeing her mother in such a horrible state. If you asked me point blank, I would not flinch: I would tell you this, this is what I have seen, this is what I cannot deny, this is what I cannot forget. But I lied anyway. And I hope it will not come down to that. - last entry / next entry - last 5 entries: Was it a lie? - 2002-12-12 |
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